All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
