his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love you.
Bad choice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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