My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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