i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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