It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
