3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
