am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
