How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
