Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
