My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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