do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
