If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
