I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
