I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
