it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
