i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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