When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
