Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
