Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
