he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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