well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
