I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
