Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
