I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
