I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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