Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
