On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
