Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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