The maid of honor just puked.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Even my vagina gasped.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
