I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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