When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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