I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Boobs are out for the taking
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
