the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
