i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
