this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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