Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
