I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
