DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
