I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Everclear isn't food dammit
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