Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
