I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
