so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
