CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
