So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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