Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I deserve this hangover.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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