D3 body, D1 cock
My sheets look like a crime scene.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
