Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
