tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
