Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
