I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
