There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
