I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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