champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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