she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
