last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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