Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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