My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
