i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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