bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
