just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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