He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
