I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
