She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everyone says I win the strip club
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
