you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
