READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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