I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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