I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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