we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
