We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
