My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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